Parents celebrate various milestones in the life of their newborn child. First words, first steps, first burp, first undisputed wrestling world championship, etc.Last night, my newest son Evan completed, in my opinion, one of the most important first milestones of his life.
Last night Evan slept from 10:30 PM until 4:30 AM!!!!
For the non-parent, this would seem like useless information, but for parent's of breastfed babies, this is gold. The boy slept 6 hours, uninterupted. This is the first step to the all too important "sleeping through the night" milestone.
We all have different tactics for achieving this critical step. I am unable by law to reveal the Lajiness Family Secret for inducing infant sleep, but for your enjoyment, here are 12 methods that did NOT make the cut:
12 REJECTED METHODS FOR MAKING INFANTS SLEEP FOR LONG PERIODS
- Benadryl and Duct Tape (something about legal issues...I dunno)
- Whiskey on the pacifier (last thing I need is to find the kid slumped around the toilet saying "if you get me through this God, I'll never do it again)
- Sing songs from Tony Award winning musicals (I found that Phantom actually induces crying, and Hairspray vometing)
- Read philosophy books (apparently this only induces sleep for adults)
- Show reruns of The View (the kid ends up looking like The Donald and screaming at Rosie)
- Show reruns of Hawaii 5-0 (actually, there's nothing wrong with this...carry on)
- Have the baby work on your tax return (he's probably better than H&R Block, but he probably won't sleep either)
- Have your wife talk to the kid about shopping (The Geneva Convention forbids this, and rightly so)
- Have your wife talk to the kid about scrapbooking (The Nuclear Arms Treaty forbids this...it's so cruel they had to mention it)
- Read him sections from your witty blog about life from a male perspective (see "vometing" comment above)
- If he does get up, let him "cry it out" (this only perpetuates your spouse using the "I have a headache" excuse long after the 6 Weeks of Pain is over)
- Show him your wedding video (this would actually work, but there's some concern about whether the kid would even wake up)
Congratulations Evan, and congratulations to my pillow...we'll be spending more time together soon!
3 comments:
Do you think having the mother-in-law explain your faults to the child would work????
The wife pulled out the Ikea catalogue for him, didn't she??
I am guessing that the kid is sleeping 6hrs a night you don't have an excuse for not updating your blog! LOL
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